Brokeness

O God, i am so fragile. my dreams get broken, my relationships get broken, my heart gets broken, my body gets broken. what can i believe, except that you will not despise a broken heart, that old and broken people shall yet dream dreams, and that the lame shall leap for joy, the blind see, the deaf hear. what can i believe except what Jesus taught...that only what is first broken, like bread, can be shared. that only what is broken is open to your entry. that old wineskins must be ripped open and be replaced if the wine of the new life is to expand. so i believe Lord. help my unbelief. that i may have the courage to keep trying when im tired. and to keep wanting passionately when i am found wanting. O God, i am so frail. my life spins like a top, bounced about by the clumsy hands of demands beyond my doing, fanned by furies at a pace half a step from hysteria. so much to do. my days so few and fast spent. and i am mostly unable to recall what im rushing after. what can i believe except beyond the limits of my little prayers and careful creeds.. im not meant for dust and darkness, but for dancing, life, and silver starlight. help my unbelief. that i may have courage to love the enemies i have the integrity to make. to care for little else save my brothers and sisters of the human family. take time to truly be with them, take time to see, take time to speak, to learn with them before time takes us...and to fear failure and death less than the faithlessness of not embracing love's risks. O God, i am so frantic. somehow i have lost the gentleness in a flood of ambition. lost my sense of wonder in a maze of video games and computers, lost my integrity in a shuffle of commercial disguises, lost my gratitude in a swarm of criticism and complaints, lost my innocence in a sea of betrayal and compromises. what can i believe, except the touch of your mercy will ease the anguish of my memory, that the tug of your spirit will empower me to help carry now the burdens i have loaded on the lives of others. that the example of Jesus will again inspire me to find again humanity. So i believe Lord. help my unbelief. that i may have courage to cut free what i have been, and gamble on what can be. and on what you might laughingly do with trembling me for your incredible world.

i didnt write it.

but i prayed it.

i find something each day that makes life seem more real again.